12/11/2025

yesterday i got invited to hang out at my friend's (acquaintance's) house. im sick with a cold but im doing everything to get better because ive never been invited over this year by anyone and hes a really cool guy. theres gonna be two other seniors there too, https://kimenow.neocities.org/pages/bloga girl and a guy. im sort of like an outlier but i hope itll be fun. im not sure how ill go about it though because its at his house which my mom would probably not let me go too, and i don't know how far i can walk in the cold because his house is so far.. ill have to make up some kind of excuse. but anyway, i dont know! im super excited.. were gonna play minecraft and eat snacks!!

12/15/2025

he ended up cancelling his plans, so did this club leader for everyone to go to her house and bake stuff.. but i got to hang out with another random girl i used to talk to in freshmen year. shes like sort of popular but i dont know.. me and her are really different but i guess we trauma bonded sort of. over exes and stuff- i told her weird shit about my ex and she told me stuff about her ex who shes currently desperate and drooling over.. hes so weird and keeps playing with her though i dont see the potential. hopefully she finds someone who relly values her, you know. shes fun!

12/18/2025

i have two tests tomorrow,. one in AP world history and another in pre calc. I'm focused on pre calc though because it's beating my ass.. i have a C- in the class as of quarter 2. and i completely forgot about my ap lang essay about the great gatsby. luckily i chose the narrative writing option so i dont have to write according to the ap rubric, but i need a rough draft by tomorrow mornign..... while im studying for world and calc?!?!? god. i know its the week before christmas break but this is truly ridicolous. we couldnt assign these tests or essays anyyy earlier?? i finally got my pc back after some arguing/negotiating wiht my mom- i can finally play fortnite and use pinterest freely again..

1/1/2026

happy new years guys! im happy but the same time im NOT. ugh its a lot to get into.. but my bf said he "doesnt feel like being romantic" so we havent even been talking at all. he doesnt say nothing neither do i!!!! whatever.... it's been 3 days like this.. he just said its just a "mood".. i decided i wont talk to him so i dont force him into "being romantic". stupid relationships. anyway my zodiac sign is an ox, and my predictions for wealth, health and other stuff look pretty good.. except love. so thanks 2026. i hate you already

1/6/2026

so.. my ex broke up with me, but honestly im not going crazy about it. im glad i got to love genuinely, id like to believe all the loves in my life i loved with genuine love. But, ive moved on!. theres more for me than men. I need to get back to what i really really love.. my friends, books, things like that. ive gained a lot of clarity though, attachment and love etc. its easy for my to detect now but.. if anybody is reading this here:

attachment : you 't obsessievly buy gifts or think of buying them things, you change your aesthetic or interests for them, every argument and mild disagreement sours your mood instantly. you dont really love them but you love the idea of loving them. right? well that was for me. i dunno.

1/14/2026

boys are boring.. everythings boring. im so bored! but i feel much better. i feel that if i get in another relationship that ill just be so volatile and emotionally reckless and careless towards them and myself.. so ill stop pursuing em for now. plus its unrealistic for me, a 16 year old, to get in a serious relationship anyway. ive cycled through a few fwbs and guys but they all fizzle out and get boring... nothing is fun and nobody understands me or tries too really. i feel like im always rushed to make a fucking desicion- date me before i move onto another girl and talk to her or something. both my last serious relationships were so rushed- only barely a month of talking and we already start messing around. i just wish someone would just take the time to understand me, commit to that idea, and stay friends with me and talk to me without jumping in a fucking relationship 1-3 months in. i want to prolong my relationships so they dont end up being spontaneous little bursts in my life. thats so boring-to me. and it seems nobody is really interesting.

2/9/25

its going ok, everythings still boring, i dunno, i met some guy named ethan and he fucking sucks and i want to beat the shit out of him and he keeps emailing me and stalking my fucking reposts (emphasis on fucking) and i have no clue what he wants from me buti guess i have something that he needs/wants so here i am! i started taking philosphy, so now i hate myself even more.